DON’T BE A DINGBAT

According to a recent AP report which appeared on the Internet, size matters. “A research team led by Syracuse University biologist Scott Pitnick found that in bat species where the females are promiscuous, the males boasting the largest testicles also had the smallest brains. Conversely, where the females were faithful, the males had smaller testes and larger brains. . . .

“ ‘The study offers evidence that males, at least in some species make an evolutionary trade-off between intelligence and sexual prowess, said David Hoskens, a biologist at the Centre for Ecology and Conservation at the University of Exeter in England and a leading authority on bats' mating behavior. . . .’

“ ‘If female bats mate with more than one male, a sperm competition begins,’ Pitnick said. ‘The male who ejaculates the greatest number of sperm wins the game, and hence many bats have evolved outrageously big testes.’

The AP report goes on to say, “Promiscuity is known to make a difference in testicle size in some other mammals. For example, chimpanzees are promiscuous and have testicles that are many times larger than those of gorillas, in which a single dominant male has exclusive access to a harem of females.”

You see, the study of biology isn’t all boring when one can come across such facts as these. But what’s a poor woman to do? If she’s the faithful sort, she won’t have as much fun, but if she’s the running around type, she gets a snugger fit. Of course, these findings relate only to the batty ones among us.

WELL . . . MAYBE I’D GET IT if
I WERE A PRISON SPOKESPERSON or
A CONSERVATIVE PRISON SPOKESPERSON or
WORKED FOR BILL O’REILLY AT THE FOX IN THE BUSH NETWORK

Recently, an elderly 76 year old death row inmate asked the prison to just let him die if he went into cardiac arrest which he thought he might likely do. But the prison informed him, “At no point are we not going to value the sanctity of life. We would resuscitate him.” Allen was executed, as planned, at age 76. Good for him. He wouldn’t want to challenge the compassionate conservative types among his executioners. This is according to a small passage in Newsweek, Feb. 6, 2005, p.?

MORE SEX, AND THIS TIME HUMAN SEXUALITY

"Our blood holds the secrets to who we are, and, increasingly, individuals, families and research scientists are using genetic testing to tell us what we don't already know. Human genomes are 99.9 percent identical; we are far more similar than diverse. But that tiny 0.1 percent difference holds clues to our ancestries, the roots of all human migration and even our propensity for disease . . . .

"Our most recent ancestors—a genetic "Adam" and "Eve"—have been traced back to Africa, and other intriguing forebears are being discovered all over the map. Last month one group of scientists found that 40 percent of the world's Ashkenazi Jews descend from just four women; another reported that one in five males in northwest Ireland may be a descendant of a legendary fifth-century warlord." From Newsweek (Feb. 6, pp. 48-49)

This last paragraph about the warlord who probable spread his genes far and wide as a rite of conquest reminds me of a line from Mel Brooks's movie, “History of the World, Part Two”. Mel, playing one of the Kings Louis says soto voce to the camera, after fondling a nymphet, "It's good to be the king."

Another interesting reflection as one studies the findings that trace our ancestors all about the globe is that if you accept that we can track our ancestors back that far using genes, then the next step back down the gene trail is monkeys or that ancestor we shared with monkeys. If you accept this much you gotta accept the whole gene to monkey package.