BURY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE AND A DAFFY NEW YEAR
Yep—it’s that time of year again. It's Xmas Eve as I write this, and I don't mind telling you, that's pretty depressing. On Christmas Eve, everything goes out of the Universe. All the bustle and the energy of life goes out and the darkness of superstition descends on society. People retreat behind the walls of their homes, cluster into the gloom of their churches, abandon living, and the stores, the commerce, the everyday energy that keeps humanity alive and well darkens and dies, and one gets a notion of what it must have been like thousands of years ago, before electricity, before science brought light to the Cosmos, to human consciousness, when religion and religious zealots controlled life's story—dead, lethargic, empty religious life. That's Xmas Eve for me, and I can imagine Christmas zealots not understanding at all my feelings as they go about this empty season, making war on reason and on those of us who don't believe as they do. It's they who have introduced the idea of war into Christmas, not us, the skeptical realists.
WARNING: LOOK OUT FOR PARKING LOT SCAMMERS!
A friend of mine emailed me the following warning.
A "heads up" for those of you who may be regular Home Depot customers.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls came over to my car as I was packing my shopping into the trunk. They both started wiping my windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When I thanked them and offered them a tip, they said "no" and instead asked me for a ride to another Home Depot or Lowe's. I agreed and they got in the back seat.
On the way, they started undressing. Then one of them climbed over into the
front seat and started crawling all over me while the other one stole my wallet.
I had my wallet stolen November 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th,
20th, & 24th. Also December 1st, 3rd, twice on the 7th, three times just
yesterday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful.
I don’t know about you all, but like any red-blooded, outraged male, I’m going out this weekend to look for these scammers.
WHAT’S WRONG WITH SENIOR MOMENTS?
I can’t understand all this furor about senior moments. I’ve had more than my share of senior moments with my wife since I turned 65, and they’re lots of fun. I’d even call them stimulating, exciting!
Lately, on TV, in movies, all around me, I hear people rediscovering the exclamation, “Thank God” or “Thank the Lord”. I hear people thanking their hypothetical superbeing for everything from hitting a run-scoring triple with two down in the ninth to finding a lost set of keys to the summer cabin, from learning that cousin Betty survived a hurricane to getting a promotion at work, from discovering that little Eddie crossed the street safely to finding that the unopened safety pin in Baby Google’s diaper didn’t puncture the skin. In fact, when I think of all the things, both great and small, that this hypothetical superbeing is being thanked for, I realize that there must be very little room for chance or free will in the Xtian psyche.