Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Rainy coastal weather today and I've just come from my physical therapy for recovery from torn rotator cuff surgery. Almost done with it and will soon just have exercises at home. 

Sitting at Tulley's, having me wee bit a caffeine and thinking (always trouble) about this writing thing I'm struggling with again. Every time I approach the idea of working on my memoir, I feel conflicted (tense), then when I decide I won't write today because I don't feel like it, I feel conflicted again. I used to struggle the same way back in the drinking days, long ago. Can't win for feeling, yet I've got to get a good way of proceeding or I'll stop again, just like I've stopped so many other times on long projects. Part of my trouble is that I can't imagine this having any outcome but for myself. No realistic idea of publishing it, and without that aim, I find it hard to justify the work I'll need to put into it. Already have more than 150 pages and far enough along not to stop, but this is where I've stopped so many times in the past. If I try to tell myself I'm doing it to give to my progeny on flash drives, then I hesitate to put some of the stuff I need to put into it for the sake of honesty. 

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